I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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