I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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