so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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