I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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