After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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