the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
