I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
