his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize