No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
