I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I love having hate sex.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
