Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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