I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
