just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
