It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
