it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize