Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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