She said her name was "party"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
