Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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