Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
