omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
