this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
