Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
