so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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