my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I need moral support for this bender
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize