i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
