Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
