YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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