So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
