Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
