ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
