The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
