you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
