i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just googled if crying burns calories
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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