i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
