after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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