New invention idea: vibrating tampons
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
