It was confusing and full of hummus
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
