i think i have herpe
just one?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
