I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
