i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My dick has a subreddit
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
