I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
