new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize