My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
