She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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