When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
