C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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