Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
