i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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