I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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