You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
