if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize