I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
