What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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