Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
