shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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