just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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