I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
