he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
