just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize