dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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