someone threw a dead crab at me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
