I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
