i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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