Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
