you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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