sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize