Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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