Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
