there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
