Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
