why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
