dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
