Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
