Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize