I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
