So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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