so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
be right there i have to get my cape
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
