dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I cockslap morals
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Randomize
