I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
