You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
