Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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