So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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