I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
