im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
