well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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