apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
