are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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