It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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