Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
