Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize