I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
