Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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