I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
