Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
