a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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