VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize