isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
