Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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