i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I will be naked everywhere
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
