Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
