so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
