I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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