hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize