i barfeds in our rink
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
