Old men and throwing up are my life now.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
