how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
