You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
