Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
