If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
