I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
