I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
