i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
