he shaved USA in his pubs
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
