i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
