i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
