there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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