i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize