dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
