shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
