my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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