Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
