Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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